HURT.

whatshesaid2020
Jun 10, 2022
3 min read

HURT. Where do we go when we are hurt? Physically a doctor. Emotionally a therapist. Spiritually a pastor. But where do you go to resolve the hurt? These days it seems social media for exposure, whistle blowing, attention-getting, or simply venting. The problem is that it's a one-sided conversation, with either "I'm sorry that happened to you" or similar experiences of others causing more ramifications of hurt. It's not necessarily naming names, but it is implied who the person is in a small circle.

I'm not saying we shouldn't be able to voice our concerns when hurt by others, but is social media the place for resolution? Is it truly productive or does it perpetuate more hurt? What used to be face-to-face or phone conversations privately with others has now become a social platform. It's what we would have done in writing a letter to the editor, but now with a broader casted net. I guess that's the purpose, to get more people to hear our hurt, to empathize or sympathize with our hurt, or to call someone out without using a name but a place or position.

The definition of hurt feelings is "unhappiness or sadness caused by someone's words or actions" (Google). Always a powerful tool, the tongue is what James 3:6 (NIV) calls "...a fire, a world of evil among parts of the body." With it, we build up or we tear down. Sadly, the latter seems to be what people want to hear, hang on to, and possess daily.

Let's think of this in terms of leadership, especially as Servant Leaders. According to the foremost organization of servant leadership, the Robert E. Greenleaf Center of Servant Leadership, states that "Servant Leadership is a non-traditional leadership philosophy, embedded in a set of behaviors and practices that place a primary emphasis on the well-being of those being served."

In his book, The Servant as Leader, Greenleaf states, "A servant-leader focuses primarily on the growth and well-being of people and the communities to which they belong. While traditional leadership generally involves the accumulation and exercise of power by one at the “top of the pyramid,” servant leadership is different. The servant-leader shares power puts the needs of others first and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible" (www.greenleaf.org/what-is-servant-leadership).

In his companion book, The Institution as Servant, Greenleaf states, "This is my thesis: caring for persons, the more able and the less able serving each other, is the rock upon which a good society is built. Whereas, until recently, caring was largely person to person, now most of it is mediated through institutions – often large, complex, powerful, impersonal; not always competent; sometimes corrupt. If a better society is to be built, one that is more just and more loving, one that provides greater creative opportunity for its people, then the most open course is to raise both the capacity to serve and the very performance as a servant of existing major institutions by new regenerative forces operating within them" (www.greenleaf.org/what-is-servant-leadership).

While Greenleaf does not directly base his servant leadership theory on the Bible, I have to believe that he understood the greatest servant leader was Jesus. I want to believe that he understood the power of the Bible as sound teaching on servant leadership including the harm we can cause (James 3). I'm convinced that he believed and took to heart the power of the tongue like the book of James described.

"With the tongue, we praise our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water" (James 3:9-12).

So the next time we want to vent, let's focus on the solution instead of the problem.

Champlain College (online) outlines The Top 5 Conflict Resolution Strategies as: